Relinquishing Independence and Inviting Interdependence: Understanding When its Safe to Let Go of Control.

Solo Vacation-Its a thing “Independent Women” Do.

This is a tough post to write because simply put, I’m pissed off. I never like to write when I’m upset because often my emotions at the best of times can be fleeting and reactive. And I am glad that I took the time to take a few days to cool off before publishing this post and took time the time to reflect upon what ignited my temper tantrum. You see, I feel more and more these days that my affinity for independence, has impeded on my ability to engage and trust in the idea of Interdependence- A term that up until recently seemed like a swear word.

To provide further insight to my inner workings, I am a deeply sensitive person, who has a history of being taken advantage of in previous romantic relationships, by friends, and family. Over the years I have become far more assertive in protecting my best interests, as these experiences have not only hurt but been a reminder that I often get tired of. These experiences have served only to reinforce the idea that the only person I can count on at the end of the day to protect my achievements, growth, and my value quite frankly is me. But what if this isn’t the case all the time?

Let me also just say before my loved ones read on and feel hurt by my unhinged thought processes, allow me to shine light on you first before I go any further. I do not want to minimize the people in my life that are amazing and loving supports who have been unwavering with their loyalty to me. Without them I would not be the reasonably sane person I am today. I feel like I belong and am important to those who show me love, kindness and thoughtfulness. They aspire me to continue being who I am in my most authentic form, and also why I’m writing this today. I believe it is my responsibility to address that no negative experiences from the past is going to discourage me from being who I love to be. They allow me the safety to love fearlessly- I’m in gratitude of that.

But as mentioned above sometimes I just get tired. You see, I have been indepedent for a very long time, long before I actually had developed the skills to actually carry that out sucessfully. I was a boarding school kid who’s parents lived on the other side of the world. For the longest time I had very little need for them and relied mostly on the company and guidance of my peers and teachers at the time. So when I ventured into the cold world of hard knocks, I was simply a lamb to the slaughter, naive to the dangers and cruelty that lay beyond the borders of my prestigious boarding school campus.

It would be through a series of really crappy life lessons learned that I’d finally figure out it that is was do or die if I did not do what was necessary in terms of creating some stability. Having a daughter at the age of 22 and being a single parent had a lot to do with motivating me to be my best ally in life. I had learned through some traumatic and life altering experiences that counting on people or believing in people was never a safe option- which in hindsight is really sad, and I don’t believe this to be true for everyone. I strongly believe that my mistrust is rooted in my own trauma, and am able to see examples of people who truly can be counted on. Read Here to Learn More.

When I consider examples of the term interdependence what comes to my mind is a few of my friends who are married/common-law. I would say “happily married,” but there are days I’m sure they’d disagree with that statement. I most certainly am not the one to make any judgements on marital bliss given my own track history. So I will stick with the topic and zero in on part of their marriages that is heavily rooted in their commitment to the partnership aspect of it. I percieve this like perhaps a running contract whereby they have developed some level dependability on the other person. As in, to know that if they fall, the other will catch them. If they loose their job, they will clothe and feed them. If they want to pursue their dreams, they will carry them until they succeed, or again…catch them if they fall. The freedom to raise their children as a stay at home mom or dad and know everything will be taken care of. And if I could be perfectly honest…the freedom to be a kept Woman/Man/preferred Pronouns* le sigh….one could always wish right? My dream would also include a nanny, a cook, a personal trainer and an on call therapist that also feeds me grapes while draped in fancy loungewear.

I digressed.

But as much as brood over this idea, I don’t actually believe I could ever be that woman. My experiences have defined me, and to be honest ruined me to ever accept a life of leisure. Underneath all that layered scar tissue lives a little twinkling light of wonder that glimmers with the thought of one day letting myself kick up my feet and letting Jesus take the wheel- but with Jesus being a man, I have my doubts even with the almighty…enough said.

As I dive deeper into my own self awareness on the subject, it is not independence that I’m flouting, it is Mistrust. The kind whereby I imagine I could make someone feel “not good enough” to take on the role of being my partner. Or perhaps giving the impression that the care I require from another could ever live up to the expectations I have set for myself. I also worry about my ability to live through another disappointment that at times in my life has almost annihilated me. Yet here I stand like a bronzed statue, weathered by the storms, blessed by the luck of the seagulls excrement; my placard almost illegible. Nobody knows what to think when they see a spectacle as grand and calamitous as this but maybe admire from a distance, maybe occasionally taking a photo with it. That pretty much sums up the bulk of why few have been brave enough to tackle exploring a partnership with me. They just don’t know where to start.

But like most good parties, pity parties too must come to an end. Just as I love to take care of the loved ones in my life, I need to allow others to take the opportunity to take care of me, even if I feel that they fall short at times. Not every man or woman is meant to be kept, just as every man or women is not meant to be keeper of others. Nor should I assume that the value behind the “keeping of each other” should be measured by the means that we often run too when we think of freedom, namely financial freedom. Although if I never had to work again, that it would sit okay with me!

According to Terry Gaspard, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, “Reliance on others can be healthy and affirming. The problem is that as children we weren’t always taught how to balance self-reliance with healthy interdependence.” Terry explains “On the surface, it’s wonderful to be independent, self-sufficient and resilient. But when you believe you must do everything for yourself, you create your own demise. It’s hard to let your partner in. It’s hard to give him/her room to come through for you. But if you are ever to enjoy the full nature of intimacy, you must. In small doses, self-reliance is positive. But when it pervades your approach to the world it can deprive you of true love, commitment and trust. To avoid this fate you must learn to reign in your self-reliance, to recognize when it prevents you from trusting in your partner, and to acknowledge when it denies your partner of everything you have to give.”

Dr. Willard Harley, a marriage counselor, defines interdependent behavior as activities of a spouse that are conceived and executed with the interests of both spouses in mind. He maintains that certain levels of dependence in intimate relationships can be beneficial and promote emotional closeness.

6 Steps to Achieving Interdependence

1. Take ownership if you are too self-reliant. If it’s extreme, pinpoint the source of it and examine your thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs.

2. Challenge your beliefs and attitudes about accepting nurturing and support from your partner. Resist the urge to be self-reliant around hot-button issues such as money, work, or family matters — like how you celebrate holidays or vacations.

3. Visualize yourself in an honest and open relationship and work toward allowing yourself to be more vulnerable with your partner — a critical aspect of intimacy.

4. Remind yourself daily that it’s healthy to accept help from others and a sign of strength rather than weakness. This might also apply to your work setting.

5. Develop a policy of joint agreement if you are in a relationship. This term, coined by Dr. Harley, describes an agreement couples make to resist making decisions without an enthusiastic agreement between them and their partner — especially important ones that impact both people.

6. Adopt a mindset that it’s good to count on your partner. Believe that you can share your deepest feelings with him/her and it will promote healthy attachment, trust and intimacy. You must let them in and embrace the idea that you don’t have to go through life alone.

Dependence is often seen as a dirty word in our culture. It conjures up images of weakness and insecurity. But certain levels of dependence in intimate relationships can be helpful and sustaining. Intimacy serves to help illuminate parts of oneself never truly realized. Healthy partnerships bring out the best in people, because when they feel safe and loved, they are free to grow and explore who they are as human beings. Instead of depending on a partner, we need to seek interdependence. We must believe that we do not have to go through life alone.

“Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”

― Erik H. Erikson

As I suspected, in being overly self-reliant, I must remember that by allowing myself to depend on others, I can help develop autonomy and strength. Revealing vulnerability with my partner, has never been the issue, its the “what’s next part” that has always scared me. What if they think I’m crazy, or what will they do with this info? Will they use this to hurt me or use against me? Will they magnify my weknesses and silence my strengths? Or alternatively will Letting go of control, fear and other intense emotions help to make my relationships more solid.

Only time can tell as I grow more secure in the idea that others love me,. To accept that independence and love do not need to exist on separate planes.

When you depend on others, you are at your strongest. I will take this forward with me as I relinquish some control and communicate faith in others ability to “Take Care of Me.”

You Gotta Know When To Fold’Em: Breaking Free, and Finding Happiness after Divorce

I’m not one to talk about the past too often unless it brings fond memories, which for the most part I have many. The topic is not that far in the past that it doesn’t still give me residual pangs of hurt that feel as recent as yesterday at times. But I wouldn’t be willing to discuss it openly if it didn’t offer some level of experiential wisdom for anyone who may be facing similar circumstances.

You see it would be approximately 5 years ago that I made the decision to leave my marriage. The marriage was a result of a very long relationship in which it seemed just natural and right to transition to the next step. There is no real love story behind it, rather quite the opposite. In fact if you were to have only had the experience of knowing me more recently, the idea that I would have consorted with the mundane would seem absurd. However, let us return to the Cece of Christmas’s past. Proposals, marriage and the filling of new homes with children is what everyone was doing at that time. It’s what everyone was doing around us. I’m unclear why my mother’s voice wasn’t piping in at this time saying “If all your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you?” But in the case of marriage and settling down, the world around you is giving you a life jacket and pushing you off the ledge. I admit its easy to blame societal pressures to conform; I don’t deny that at that time I was all in. And when I say “all in,” I mean I wasn’t able to foresee my life being anything different than what it was. My vision was exceptionally narrow and reinforced by the baggage I had brought with me from my previous abusive relationship.

Often when marriages and relationships dissolve its only natural in many instances to look at the other person and place the blame on them and their shortcomings. That’s not to say that many partners are 100% to blame and do terribly selfish and hurtful things in which the other played no role other than love someone who didn’t deserve them. And in my case, it went both ways, however its never fair to dive into the details without the other’s ability to share their perspective. And I’d be open to that but he hasn’t answered my calls in three years.

I’m sorry to disappoint you and advise this post is not about my shitty marriage that didn’t work out. In all likelihood, I may devote a whole wine fuelled podcast on the subject, but until then I’ll uphold some integrity. I’m grateful that I am alive and well today living my life in the most authentic and honest way. What a difference 5 years can do for you when you make the best decision of your life.

Which leads me to the topic of how I reclaimed my life when it began to gain momentum in a direction that wasn’t a genuine path for who I am as a person. I believe for many people there are “tells” just like in a game of poker. You see just like the game of poker we often bluff when we aren’t holding a good hand; getting caught up in the risk taking and potentially losing it all. Often when the momentum has us pulled in, there is no consideration for the long game. The more we begin to lose, the more our “tells” come out as the anxiety and desperation begins to build. You see, when you keep seeking the rush of winning and ignore the consequences of losing, we’re left in the emotional poor house. At the tail end of my losing streak, I admittedly had lots of tells, but I also gave the illusion that I had lots of chips in my pocket.

Poker-playing AI threatens to unseat a raft of Texas Hold'em champions -  ExtremeTech

So its no surprise that when I landed on my ass, my emotional poor house was located on the corner of Despair avenue and Hopeless Street. I found myself in a deep, destructive depression that I could not for the life of me dig myself out of. I was erratic in my choices and behavior, and admittedly had considered running my car into bridge barrier one evening as I was screaming at the top of my lungs at the universe in anger. That event haunts me until this day because while it was over 5 years ago, the emotions, my surroundings, what I was wearing, the car indicator lights are as clear as if I was there right now in this moment.

Bridge Underpass Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

You ask what could have brought me to such a place of despair?

I can trace it all the way to the beginning when I first met my ex-husband. I was a single mother at that time with a one and a half year old. I was fresh out of an extremely horrifically abusive relationship with her biological father that left me in ruins emotionally, physically and psychologically. I was 22 years old and I was not equipped with the self awareness and emotional maturity to tackle the damage- in fact I was oblivious to it. I ended up settling after a year with the first real boyfriend I had since leaving my abusive relationship. When I say anyone that was nice to me and wasn’t physically abusive towards me was my standard at that time. The relationship brought many good things regardless of my basic standards whereby I returned to University and got my Social Work Degree from the University of Victoria. My daughter grew a close and loving relationship with a man who accepted her as his daughter whereby they remain very close. I couldn’t have asked for a better father for her and for that I will be forever grateful. He provided us with an extended family and sense of belonging that I had not experienced coming from such a small family myself. He remained committed to our little family and moved to where I got my first Social Work Job in Northern Alberta, leaving his family behind and beginning a life as a unit in a strange small town. Life was looking up as it was during the Alberta Oil Boom and Fort McMurray promised wealth and stability for us as a family. The momentum of my life appeared to be moving in the right direction. I was adequately distracted by my own ambitions and self actualizing a life that was ultimately the way it’s supposed to be in the naively idealistic sense.

Then one day his vision began to blur which quickly turned into vertigo, precipitating what we thought was a stomach flu. We went weeks attending the hospital and trying to treat his stomach flu. I knew something was terribly wrong, and finally demanded he be admitted to hospital otherwise I was approaching the media. Through further testing he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 25. He left Fort McMurray to recover with his family thousands of miles away, where I ultimately decided that I would help him get through this and we would make it work.

It was a devastating blow in every aspect.

This wasn’t part of the plan. In fact it shattered all our plans, and dreams which were left in pieces at our feet. Despite my rage and the unfairness of it all, I quickly resorted back to what I knew best. I had been here before and did what I thought was best in crisis; which was to ignore the emotional impact and take care of those who weren’t as seemingly strong as I.

And there you have it. Mistake #1-Believing others don’t possess strength without you.

Poor Self-Esteem and Confidence can make the human spirit rely on others to validate importance and purpose where others who are in pain can fulfill these voids for us. The experiences/traumas responsible for planting those weeds of doubt in ourselves can be vast and complex. In my circumstances, it would be the trauma from domestic violence, the psychological and verbal abuse. I strongly believe that there is a strong sense of co-dependency created within these dynamics, whereby one enables the other. When done improperly, assuming the role as the “rock” can also perpetuate maladaptive inferiority roles for those who feel powerless with their diagnosis. And in regards to my marriage- I take accountability for succumbing to depending on being needed then feeling stifled years later by creating the culture of dependency.

How do we remedy this? Well I can’t say I was successful in doing it in my marriage otherwise I wouldn’t be speaking about a husband that is now an ex. But over the last 5 years since starting over, I have successfully committed to putting my physical and emotional health ahead of others. This often means, setting firm boundaries and expectations with loved ones and communicating my bottom line. At times it can appear intolerant, or lack empathy, however when our reasonings are given context it can be the most admirable lesson ever. Not everyone will understand this- but know it is for us as individuals to actualize our strengths, and I see no better way than to demonstrate it by walking the walk.

So this leads me to my second mistake.

Mistake #2- Using others crisis as a distraction to avoid my own shit.

I feel like I take the cake with this one, because I could have picked a more appropriate career as a social worker to enable me in doing this. Nonetheless, do you ever find yourself immersed in others lives, being over involved in problems that aren’t your own, and coming to the rescue of some damsel in distress. I was this person, and counted on filling my world with a plethora of noise to avoid the loneliness and pain I was feeling. My bucket continued to run empty as the fruits of my perceived “strength” went unacknowledged or appreciated by my partner, and overutilized by others. I had created the norm and the illusion that I was the “Rock,” someone who had their shit in a pile. That was my doing, because if I eluded to otherwise people would stop running to me with their noise and I’d really be alone. You see, he was increasingly declining in health and struggling with the neurological complications of Multiple Sclerosis. He was angrier, moodier, and more depressed. Intimacy or signs of romantic connection were not reciprocated and I found other ways to appease my needs to feel a connection and needed.

It wasn’t until I left my marriage that I truly felt what it was like to be alone as my home was loaded up and squished into a small 2 bedroom condo. You see at that time I had nothing available to give therefore the noise stopped and the distractions saw no value in what I had to offer during this period. There were few calls or invitations to reach out and help me move or keep me company. It was then that I saw the value in standing alone in the deafening silence and appreciating the space required in order to redirect all my focus inwards. Often we look at isolation or being seemingly forgotten as a reflection of not being worthy or loved- when in fact its Solitude that is being given to us. So the next time you are feeling lonely or overlooked, take the silence as an opportunity to give your soul some good advice and leave the unnecessary distractions at the door.

Mistake #3-Believing that others opinions mattered

I was completely debilitated by what I thought people would think if I made the decision to leave. Never mind that the circumstance were making me suicidal, but with no success in reaching out for extended family support, I was still left with an enormous amount of guilt. What kind of wife was I leaving her husband when he had MS. The only thing worse than me was the husband who left his dying wife with cancer for the cute blonde nurse that was hired to do the home care. I was worried about what they would say about me and how I would be perceived by choosing a chance at life again. What would my daughter think of me, who couldn’t even begin to understand what I was feeling. And why would she, I had managed to shield her from the majority of my unravelling. I was terrified by all the hurt that I would be placing on everyone around me.

Do you see Mistake #1 weaseling its way in here again?

What I realized in this process is that not one person who’s opinion I was worried about ever took the time to listen or ask if I needed support. I can’t believe I was worried about what this would mean for them and concerned that they would have to take over the responsibility of his care. I was actually worried that this would burden them and they would be angry with me that I had not tried hard enough or just endured longer. In the end it all worked itself out, which is a testament that when we walk away people have the ability to find a solution with or without us.

In hindsight, I wish I had been more kind to myself during this time. It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that the challenges we were facing could be tackled in isolation yet we were left with no other option. The marriage counseling along with the long list of personal coping strategies and personal sacrifice at the expense of my mental health had fallen flat. The fact that I’m explaining this further is my lingering “tell” that perhaps I still have some feelings of guilt to work through.

What awaited me on the other side of it all was the overwhelming support from my own family and close friends who knew there was a life out there for me. You see they had boundaries with regards to where they were willing to rejoin me again and even my daughter stood by my decision and me throughout it all.

Mistake #4- Not Doing it Sooner

I wish I had conjured the courage and wisdom it took to commence the decision to move ahead quicker that had been overdue. My days of bluffing no longer held a strategic purpose in my life and with a sense of relief, happily folded the cards I was dealt. Perhaps that ominous bridge barrier that originally symbolized an end for me, alternatively was the beacon of hope that life was worth living if I just changed the direction of my wheel.

Amen to that.

And while I don’t intend on stewing to much more on the mistakes of the past, I hope that in sharing them provoked some fruitful “What if’s” for you if you are facing a need for change. Whether you are facing a decision to get sober, ending a toxic friendship or leaving an abusive relationship-know that you always have choice to change the direction.

Begin to free yourself at once by doing all that is possible with the means you have, and as you proceed in this spirit the way will open for you to do more.
~ Robert Collier

Please go follow my Instagram @cece_a_broadtalez

No Panty is Created Equal: Lets Discuss Some Favorites

Now that every male has decided to exit with his box to the left, lets discuss the fabrics that shelter our own little boxes. This applies to the ladies who claim they don’t wear underwear too, because every now and again, your delicate kittens need an affectionate embrace too.

It was 1993 and I would have been in grade 8 when I received my first pair of thong underwear from my Auntie Pauline. My Aunt lived in California and was always sporting the hottest outfits, dawning her dark bronzed skin while sprawled out on her patio that overlooked the golf course. She had this adorable little haircut that was perfectly understated for her feisty, yet petit little frame. My mom said growing up the neighborhood kids would call her “souris en colere,” and found it funny that she wound up as a “trophy wife” to my uncle who had climbed the corporate ladder of Southern Edison. I loved her fashion sense despite her admittedly passing it off as- more work- than something she actually took a real interest in. She was a tomboy at heart, but you couldn’t deny not taking notice of her effortless sensuality. I have fond memories from my visits with her as she’d dump loads of nail polish and other beauty products into my suitcase to take home. We’d play in her luxurious bathroom and closets, where she’d give you the diamonds off her ears if you asked her for them.

So it was no surprise when we went shopping at The Esplanade that she told me I needed Thong underwear so that my panty lines wouldn’t show. I thought to myself, who cares about pantie lines, those things looked gross. I didn’t understand how anything that would go up your butt could be comfortable, until she bought my first pair. When I slid my thong on for the first time an overwhelming sense of sophistication flooded my system. It was like I was wearing nothing at all, and I’d think to myself, what if all the boys knew I was wearing a thong, they’d think I was soooo sexually cultivated. Who knew only 6 years later wearing your thong over the top of your jeans would become all the rage. The thong song would hit the airwaves and Sisco would be singing that famous tune “That thong thong thong thong thong.” I clearly was a young woman ahead of the times.

Over the years the thong would take on many additional sub forms as their popularity grew at the same rate as my backside did. And so came the evolution of the thong world. There was the G-string: Designed for minimal play, a typical G-string thong has an elastic string that bridges the front part of underwear to the waistband at rear. In a nutshell, it’s a triangular piece of cloth with string. I’d wear this for the majority of my 20’s. There is the C-STRING Thong: They make a huge ‘C’, thereby justifying the name. These thongs have stupefied the entire lingerie world by their innovative new concept! They cover only the intimate areas and do not include support waist-strings. However, they include a flexible internal frame that ensures that the apparel stays intact. Then lastly the Cheeky Thong, which seems funny because it feels like all my ill fitting underwear turn into these within the first hour. But If you want maximum thong coverage, then the ‘cheeky’ thong is for you. They cover a good part of the rear while still providing decent exposure to buttocks.

As the years progressed underwear got complicated. You no longer had to go to specialty lingerie stores to access all the fancy underwear as stores like La Senza and La Vie En Rose were introduced to Canada. Before that, Hanes offered a wide variety of the most unflattering underwear around that we would later call “Period Panties.” The kind that you could buy in bulk and didn’t care if Aunt Flo spilled her red wine all over. These were the gems you wouldn’t miss if you had to toss them in the Food Court Washroom Garbage as they had sopped up and prevented a total nightmare from being exposed.

Over the years, I’d consider every pair of panty that wasn’t a thong – Period Panties. The category grew to embrace new cuts like the Hipster, the Tanga, High/French Cut brief, Low Cut Bikini, and the Boy Short, which would allow Aunt Flo to hit you at any time when you were least expecting it. College was always fun when I’d pair my matching Cotton Striped Bra with some sporty Tanga’s, hit the Campus Bar, feeling cute in an Abercrombie Fitch kind of way. I’d be grinding it out on the dancefloor to Genuine’s “Pony” and feel the gush of hot Co-Ed hormonal moisture between my legs. After about 20 Broken Down Golf Cart Shots I’d say to myself “This boy was going to get the ride of his life.” So like every college girl in he early 2000’s, I’d need to go Calgon Spritz my entire body and undercarriage before we left to his smelly dormroom. First rule was that vagina should only smell of cotton candy or vanilla cupcakes, there was no connection to that and the chronic Yeast infections that would follow. I’d pinball through the crowd, drunkenly bouncing off people and throwing out the obligatory Canadian “Sorry” all the way. To my horror, it was not hormonal moisture, it was Aunt Flo, cockblocking again, subsequently losing another pair of panties to a public washroom garbage.

As the years have gone by, I not only have mastered how to track my cycle better, but I’ve mastered the art of underwear functionality. You see, underwear styles and designs are based on function for different types of clothing, so the right (or wrong one) can make or break an outfit. There’s a reason why the saying “Don’t get your panties in a bunch!” exists; ill-fitting underwear can seriously kill your mood. In my eyes the only thing worse than ill fitting panties is an ill fitting outfit that flaunts the bloat or the week long bender of Fast Food you ate.

Brace yourself for the Control Brief. Control briefs are like regular briefs, but with the added function of shapewear. This women’s underwear style creates a smooth silhouette around your abdomen. They sit high on the waist, just under the belly button with some styles going as high as under the breasts. I’d say that the control Brief has got to be panty in my drawer that is the heaviest on rotation. Spanx and Shapewear can be hot, and somewhat annoying to deal with not only ergonomically but not ideal in times of seduction. You can’t tell me that at one point in your life you didn’t do the shapewear peel off in a nightclub bathroom stall prior to exiting the club with your one night stand. I think I’ve gone as far as peeling it off in the passenger seat while whatever his name was ran into a 7-11 to get Condoms. I threw my Spanx right out that window- he was not going to catch me in all my shapewear deceit!

Now for every other day I love a good ol’ pair of seamless underwear. They are my workout undies and everything in between. Seamless underwear provide smoother-than-smooth coverage under Yoga Pants, joggers, or whatever pants you have on. They breathe well and sit nicely where you have left them last. My boyfriend once asked me why I bothered wearing underwear underneath my yoga pants when I work out. I am aware that I can go through underwear wardrobe changes upwards to to three times a day, but I do the laundry so why is he so pressed? I told him that Vagina’s need extra protection from the nasty man sweat left behind on the benches because who knows what’s lurking on them! In actuality, I double up because there is nothing more embarrassing than leaving a Big Ol’ Sweaty Twat Imprint for the next person to see. Underwear with good ventilation is key.

If you are as emotionally unregulated as me, your underwear drawer should be just as unpredictable. That being said mine is filled with hundreds of pretty lace panties, barely there, satin-bowed and crotchless that I swore I’d wear more. Or Maybe you are one of these people, and you rock them daily just not givin a F***, because you are either a size 2 or 15 years old. Life is so much easier for you folks isn’t it?

I can’t be alone in this conclusion guys? I’m 42 and if you are near my age you most definitely can relate to picking comfort over discomfort any day. Consequently, our confidence and wisdom has taught us that panties are not the gateways for seduction but merely a meaningless barrier when the time comes. Not to pour more salt on my 40 something year old wounds but my sex-capades allow for enough advance planning for some visual delight. Rest assure, I’m not throwing anymore Spanx away for no man, they are far to valuable and expensive to replace! With that being said, I do wonder sometimes who found my Spanx and what they said to themselves when they had to dispose of them. I can envision them looking at the the flesh colored pile that perhaps resembled a wrinkled up hairless cat lying naked and afraid on the pavement. Bending over they’d pick it up between their fingers or maybe used a stick to inspect it, wincing as they brought it closer to view.

I guess we’ll never know.

I hope you enjoyed stopping by and taking time to read my ridiculous stream of memories and thoughts! Please keep sharing, liking and commenting as I love hearing from the world around me and what your experiences are on the topics.

Such a Good Sport @Geishatheakitaguida

Shifting from Likeability to Connectability: Humanizing The Women Behind the Grind

Behind the Broad is Just a girl who still loves to do handstands and cannon balls at the pool

When I began my blog page I have to admit I thought that I’d get more interest from women looking for the opportunity to be celebrated and talked about with regards to their achievements, charities, organizations and businesses they were involved in. I’ve spent months canvassing friends asking them to submit with not much interest only to be left with the question to myself- What Gives?

Free publicity and adoration seems like a No-Brainer.

“Why Won’t You Let Me Love You.”

-Cece.D

Then it hit me, perhaps women aren’t seeing the deeper value in what they do? Can they not see what I see? Are they unable to allow themselves to be praised by a real person with real readers who put aside time to visit my site and read my banter religiously? Intention is everything in this world, and if its one thing, my Blog Content is never mindless or unoriginal- nor is my effort to spotlight you fierce mystical queens out there.

In the early months of TalezFromABroad, there were so many ideas I was developing and some were ditched along the way, but one remained important to me and that was to write a feature for every Friday. On this day, a Woman/Pronoun Preferred that was doing something amazing like being involved in community programming/activism or running their own business/empire would be featured. Not only was this an opportunity for free advertising and to get the word out- but to connect again as humans who were all feeling the isolation, not to mention an unhealthy relationship with E-Commerce and Amazon who have decimated small businesses. Guilty as charged.

In my heart I had envisioned creating a culture of Women who weren’t afraid to allow the world to look past the heavily filtered photos and carefully curated Lifestyle Image that appreciatively holds a place in marketing a brand or an idea. However, I felt there was a gap, whereby I lacked connection to the brands and women out there who were obviously killing it, yet I still was left only compelled on a pretty superficial level. To expand on this further, my goal was to not undermine the important aspects of all the incredible determination that goes behind the manifestations of something successful, but to build onto the integrity of it.

It’s an aspect that I feel gets forgotten along the way when women like myself come across other women doing profoundly powerful things with their lives, then somewhere along the lines the value of their work goes unseen. You see there is a largely growing group of female entrepreneurs and go-getters out there that have had to pull-off other women’s wigs to get to where their at now. It is a dog-eat-dog world out there, and us felines are just as hungry for a piece of the pie. And while money is a primary motivator for many of us, so is the thirst for some gratitude and shine.

My Sacred Friday Fire Ritual-Rude to not bring an Offering

For those that are mothers perhaps can relate all too well with the feeling of being the underpaid employee who never seems to get a pay raise, yet the work gets harder and responsibilities just get longer. You know the ones who work 12 hour shifts, come home, pick up everyone’s shit make the bed, do laundry, work out…you know handling their BIZNASS.  Or perhaps, the fierce new graduate who spends endless extra hours at a new company and gets passed over for a position she likely deserves for the “Broskie: who has a better understanding of craft beers and beard oils. What about the woman who left her career to have children and raise them, then is all of a sudden is facing a divorce with no recent work experience or updated training and is now having to climb the corporate ladder from the bottom rather than starting where she left off. There are stories of triumph behind all of these because all of these are real life examples of women doing amazing things every day in our communities in the shadows without getting the clout they deserve.

Maybe us ladies need to unionize? However in my humble opinion hasn’t gotten me farther ahead in the world of Social Work that’s for sure. Clearly the Public Servant Career Path is exactly what it says in the name…SERVANT.  What I have learned from being a servant to the public at large is the ability to use these interactions in a way that helps me find my shine. Part of my role when faced with difficult and complex cases is to find the areas of resilience and strength even when it seems like there is none within the darkest of moments. These are not always shared with them in those exact moment as you can imagine being the “Bright Side Betty” could catch you a throat punch real quick in my world. However, when practicing this on a regular basis, it becomes second nature to silence the voices of weakness and turn the volume up what keeps us putting one foot forward each day. This is what makes me tick, and I just know it does for others! Connecting women to stories of resilience backed by tangible evidence that supports the idea that there are more women out there where their success has come as easy as their Social Media Feed may portray.

So perhaps with further insight into my hopes, I’m going forward with my hopes to Feature more Women on my Feature Friday’s.

If you are interested and want more details click LETS CELEBRATE YOU

For More Articles like this by me:

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing: The Power of a Woman Pack

A Series of Acts Towards Self-Sufficiency: Playing Hard to Get with Society

Talez From A Broad Feature Friday With Cherie White-Author and Anti Bullying Advocate

I have to say when I posted the article Shifting from Likeability to Connectability: Humanizing the Women Behind the Grind I was blown away at how brave Cherie was to be willing to entrust her insights with a complete stranger. Cherie is the real MVP here this week as I am honored to feature her on this weeks Feature Friday, because Anti-Bullying advocates are so incredibly necessary in helping interrupt and shine some light and attention on a growing epidemic of cruelty.

According To Public Safety Canada did you know that:

  • 47% of Canadian parents have at least one child that has been a victim of bullying
  • Around one-third of the population has experienced bullying as a child.
  • Around one-third of teenagers have been bullied recently
  • And 40% or nearly half of Canadians are bullied in the workplace every week.

The Canadian red Cross pointed out TRENDS IN BULLYING AND HARASSMENT

  • Since 2002, fighting behaviour has increased, especially in grades six to eight. As many as 18 per cent of boys and 8 per cent of girls report having been in four or more fights in the past year.13
  • Boys are more likely to experience direct forms of bullying (physical aggression) while girls experience more indirect forms of bullying including cyberbullying.14
  • Sexual harassment is higher for boys in grades six and seven, but higher for girls in grades nine and ten.15

So with no further delay lets all give Cherie White the mic!

Q: Tell me about the organization you are a part of? How did you contribute within your area of responsibility and take initiative to improve things around you with your brand of individuality?

A: I’m a published author and anti-bullying advocate. Because I was severely bullied in school, from 6th grade until I finally switched schools in the twelfth grade, I begin speaking out against bullying in 2014, by creating a Facebook group entitled “The American Alliance for Bullied Children and Teens.” My goal is to make it a 501c3 organization. I also have a blog “Chateau Cherie” in which I give advice about bullying based on lessons I learned by trial and error.

To date, I have written and published four books: One memoir and three fictions, all of which deals with the issue of bullying.

Q: What fueled the desire to get into taking on this role(s)?

A: The bullying I suffered in the past- I wanted to use what I went through to reach out to those who endure bullying today.

Q: How did it it grow your own sense of purpose and in what ways? Have others followed your passion as a result of your passion and skill?

It made me more determined to teach others why people bully, the mindsets of bullies, the forces that perpetuate bullying, and how they can overcome it.

Q:What challenges did you face and continue to face in your field? How did you overcome it?

A: I faced many challenges- naysayers, the ability to get it off the ground, and funding.

Q: Who are your biggest allies (supporters), and what can people do more of to support women in your field of experience?

A: My husband, many friends, and several of my readers and fellow bloggers support me.

Q: How do you define your power?

A: My superpowers is taking the adversity I’ve suffered in my life and turning it into fiction, and learning more about the dark side of human nature and the human predator/prey dynamic (bullying and abuse).

Q: How do people contact you if they want to learn more about you and your story? (Include your business social media accounts)

A: Through my blog:

https://cheriewhite.blog/

My author website:

Email:

CherieWhite69@gmail.com

And Social Media

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/cherie-white-041123127/

Thank You Cherie for Allowing Me to Feature You on Talez From A Broad! Make Sure you all Let Cherie Know in the comments section about the wonderful work she is doing and check out her author webpage/links.

To my readers, if you think you are the next Feature Friday candidate post in the comments section and send me an Email and I’ll send you the questionnaire!

For others who are alumni of Feature Friday you can Read Here

If you want to learn about What Feature Friday is all about Click Here!