By Mid-November the last of the fall colors here in Calgary have been covered by the frigid snow and ice, revealing a prism of deep and rich romance. Velvety navy blues and crimson reds paint the morning skies as our breath kisses the air; the warmth is transformed into a dimension of little crystalized diamonds. It is the time of year when wearing Satin and Sequins help emulate magic as they capture the glow from the twinkling lights that dance throughout our homes and city scape during the festive winter Months.
And as Christmas winds down, the next event many of us look forward too is New Years Eve, whereby we can drape ourselves in decadent sequins and Sexy Satins. This year was unlike any New Years we have ever endured, as many slept their way into the New Year, cloaked in cotton jammies. I on the other hand was working a night shift and can only remember wearing the drool that had dried on my cheek during a lapse of mid-shift narcolepsy.
Glamorous I know.
So you can imagine I missed the pomp and circumstance that I anticipate each year when I get to have my Cinderella Moment, glass slippers and all.
I can appreciate not everyone feels comfortable wearing something that demands the attention of a room, as we all have our own version of what we feel good in. For myself I don’t believe I can wait for another year to bust out my sequins, I need glamour, and I need it now.
Many shy away from wearing sequins and should not save these little textile gems for just the holiday season or for ones children’s dance recital costumes. According to Meghan Nesmith who wrote A HISTORY OF SEQUINS, FROM KING TUT’S TOMB TO YOUR NEW YEAR’S EVE OUTFIT, Sequins have been around since since Ancient Egypt. They have been unearthed in archeological sites from Pakistan to Egypt. The earliest versions were gold nuggets, hammered into thin circles and pierced through the center. Heaps of them were found scattered across Tutankhamun’s tomb, some deeply colored by iron deposits in shades of red and purple, or sewn in shapes of flowers along his ceremonial robe, both to indicate his importance and keep the king tricked out in the afterlife.
Like the sun god himself, King Tut literally beamed. He was the drag queen of his time in my opinion!
I figured there is no time like the now to still adorn yourself like Cleopatra, and unleash your inner queen. Here are some of my fave’s I came across:
So Lets not delay my friends, the Satin and Sequins are feeling neglected these days. Whether its a trip to the fridge, or your home office is tired of seeing you in the same dirty sweats- there is no wrong time to be glamorous!
I called one of my girlfriends up this weekend and said “Wanna Go Hit the HomeSenseStroll Saturday?” It’s the kind of offer invite every Basic Bitch across the Western Continents wait for; yearning for its majestic aisles of wonder. It’s the place where one goes not knowing what they want, and consequently a place one leaves knowing they can’t live life without it. It really is a “stroll” in all explicit senses of the term, as I’d sell my soul for that adorable unique Shabby Chic Hutch that would be perfect in my dining room.
So not surprisingly, my girlfriend Angela was more than enthusiastic at the opportunity to chase the proverbial dragon and dance with the Devil of Home Decor. We in fact are not the only feigns for this kind of self indulgence. I’ve often found hand written lists discarded in the cart baskets as if they were a testament of good intentions gone array.
I scoff as I read out “Towels” And think to myself “Oh Honey, You came for just Towels, the same way some of us go to Home Depot Mid-week looking for a good solid Hammer.
I’d put money on it that she left with a charming 3 ft. ceramic dancing monkey, a gift set of assorted pasta, hot pink throw pillows that have laughing Llamas on them, a scatter rug, and a partridge in a pear tree…but like…literally.
As things escalate, I imagine there was the familiar mantra many of us share circulating in her brain, “It will look perfect in that one corner of the bathroom that currently is the last space available for yet, another Knick Knack.
So Saturday rolled around, and I sprung out of my bed with the kind of purpose I wish I could repeat at 7:30 am Monday through Friday. I through on the best Basic Suburbs Bitch outfit I had- as in whatever was staring at me first. I already had it in my mind that a Pistachio Latte was going to be the first stop enroute, and if I timed it right, I could make it three quarters the way through my venti triple shot latte by the time those doors slid open to me. Fueling the body is key for this level of elite shopping.
I had a triple dose of excitement when I arrived finally. There was no line up to get in, my girlfriend who I had not seen in months threw me a distance hug, and the espresso was kicking in at high gear.
As in I blended in with every other Basic Betty in there, I floated anonymously in the sea of indistinguishable Robots; picking up, touching, putting in cart, discarding, going back, putting it back in, then replacing it with something even better. And while I did not have a paper list, I did have Alexa curate one for my handheld device, whereby Alexa was asked the following:
What I Went in For:
2 Bathroom Rugs
What I walked out with:
2 Pendant Lights
2 Handcrafted in India Wood Letters
1 Giant Lindt Chocolate Bar
1 Shadow Box Art
2 Massive Canvas Art for Living Room.
I was a lamb to the slaughter as its Lavish Home Décor tentacles sunk into me . As I hit the first aisle, then doubled back to the far corner, pinballing between directions, I recognized I had made a terrible error. I had forgotten to take my Vyvanse, the one thing in life necessary to keep me in line, organized, and on task. This caused pure chaos in my already overly stimulated brain and I knew I was a goner at this point. Or maybe it was my overflowing cart? Or the moment the greeter saw me leave with my loot validating me with a farewell “Looks like you did well!”
Total time from start to finish- 1.5 hours.12`w2q And I loved every damn minute of it. I came across this quote that I believe is fitting, however recognize that Ol’ Ralphy had more poignant circumstances in mind when he wrote this.
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
There was a definite trail left behind that day…a trail of impulse buys.
But Alas, look at my new little toilet room that once was a baron land of drab wall space, now adorned with the treasure trove of my labors. I even used a Level for the first time to hang it…Adulting AF!
Now that every male has decided to exit with his box to the left, lets discuss the fabrics that shelter our own little boxes. This applies to the ladies who claim they don’t wear underwear too, because every now and again, your delicate kittens need an affectionate embrace too.
It was 1993 and I would have been in grade 8 when I received my first pair of thong underwear from my Auntie Pauline. My Aunt lived in California and was always sporting the hottest outfits, dawning her dark bronzed skin while sprawled out on her patio that overlooked the golf course. She had this adorable little haircut that was perfectly understated for her feisty, yet petit little frame. My mom said growing up the neighborhood kids would call her “souris en colere,” and found it funny that she wound up as a “trophy wife” to my uncle who had climbed the corporate ladder of Southern Edison. I loved her fashion sense despite her admittedly passing it off as- more work- than something she actually took a real interest in. She was a tomboy at heart, but you couldn’t deny not taking notice of her effortless sensuality. I have fond memories from my visits with her as she’d dump loads of nail polish and other beauty products into my suitcase to take home. We’d play in her luxurious bathroom and closets, where she’d give you the diamonds off her ears if you asked her for them.
So it was no surprise when we went shopping at The Esplanade that she told me I needed Thong underwear so that my panty lines wouldn’t show. I thought to myself, who cares about pantie lines, those things looked gross. I didn’t understand how anything that would go up your butt could be comfortable, until she bought my first pair. When I slid my thong on for the first time an overwhelming sense of sophistication flooded my system. It was like I was wearing nothing at all, and I’d think to myself, what if all the boys knew I was wearing a thong, they’d think I was soooo sexually cultivated. Who knew only 6 years later wearing your thong over the top of your jeans would become all the rage. The thong song would hit the airwaves and Sisco would be singing that famous tune “That thong thong thong thong thong.” I clearly was a young woman ahead of the times.
Over the years the thong would take on many additional sub forms as their popularity grew at the same rate as my backside did. And so came the evolution of the thong world. There was the G-string: Designed for minimal play, a typical G-string thong has an elastic string that bridges the front part of underwear to the waistband at rear. In a nutshell, it’s a triangular piece of cloth with string. I’d wear this for the majority of my 20’s. There is the C-STRING Thong: They make a huge ‘C’, thereby justifying the name. These thongs have stupefied the entire lingerie world by their innovative new concept! They cover only the intimate areas and do not include support waist-strings. However, they include a flexible internal frame that ensures that the apparel stays intact. Then lastly the Cheeky Thong, which seems funny because it feels like all my ill fitting underwear turn into these within the first hour. But If you want maximum thong coverage, then the ‘cheeky’ thong is for you. They cover a good part of the rear while still providing decent exposure to buttocks.
As the years progressed underwear got complicated. You no longer had to go to specialty lingerie stores to access all the fancy underwear as stores like La Senza and La Vie En Rose were introduced to Canada. Before that, Hanes offered a wide variety of the most unflattering underwear around that we would later call “Period Panties.” The kind that you could buy in bulk and didn’t care if Aunt Flo spilled her red wine all over. These were the gems you wouldn’t miss if you had to toss them in the Food Court Washroom Garbage as they had sopped up and prevented a total nightmare from being exposed.
Over the years, I’d consider every pair of panty that wasn’t a thong – Period Panties. The category grew to embrace new cuts like the Hipster, the Tanga, High/French Cut brief, Low Cut Bikini, and the Boy Short, which would allow Aunt Flo to hit you at any time when you were least expecting it. College was always fun when I’d pair my matching Cotton Striped Bra with some sporty Tanga’s, hit the Campus Bar, feeling cute in an Abercrombie Fitch kind of way. I’d be grinding it out on the dancefloor to Genuine’s “Pony” and feel the gush of hot Co-Ed hormonal moisture between my legs. After about 20 Broken Down Golf Cart Shots I’d say to myself “This boy was going to get the ride of his life.” So like every college girl in he early 2000’s, I’d need to go Calgon Spritz my entire body and undercarriage before we left to his smelly dormroom. First rule was that vagina should only smell of cotton candy or vanilla cupcakes, there was no connection to that and the chronic Yeast infections that would follow. I’d pinball through the crowd, drunkenly bouncing off people and throwing out the obligatory Canadian “Sorry” all the way. To my horror, it was not hormonal moisture, it was Aunt Flo, cockblocking again, subsequently losing another pair of panties to a public washroom garbage.
As the years have gone by, I not only have mastered how to track my cycle better, but I’ve mastered the art of underwear functionality. You see, underwear styles and designs are based on function for different types of clothing, so the right (or wrong one) can make or break an outfit. There’s a reason why the saying “Don’t get your panties in a bunch!” exists; ill-fitting underwear can seriously kill your mood. In my eyes the only thing worse than ill fitting panties is an ill fitting outfit that flaunts the bloat or the week long bender of Fast Food you ate.
Brace yourself for the Control Brief. Control briefs are like regular briefs, but with the added function of shapewear. This women’s underwear style creates a smooth silhouette around your abdomen. They sit high on the waist, just under the belly button with some styles going as high as under the breasts. I’d say that the control Brief has got to be panty in my drawer that is the heaviest on rotation. Spanx and Shapewear can be hot, and somewhat annoying to deal with not only ergonomically but not ideal in times of seduction. You can’t tell me that at one point in your life you didn’t do the shapewear peel off in a nightclub bathroom stall prior to exiting the club with your one night stand. I think I’ve gone as far as peeling it off in the passenger seat while whatever his name was ran into a 7-11 to get Condoms. I threw my Spanx right out that window- he was not going to catch me in all my shapewear deceit!
Now for every other day I love a good ol’ pair of seamless underwear. They are my workout undies and everything in between. Seamless underwear provide smoother-than-smooth coverage under Yoga Pants, joggers, or whatever pants you have on. They breathe well and sit nicely where you have left them last. My boyfriend once asked me why I bothered wearing underwear underneath my yoga pants when I work out. I am aware that I can go through underwear wardrobe changes upwards to to three times a day, but I do the laundry so why is he so pressed? I told him that Vagina’s need extra protection from the nasty man sweat left behind on the benches because who knows what’s lurking on them! In actuality, I double up because there is nothing more embarrassing than leaving a Big Ol’ Sweaty Twat Imprint for the next person to see. Underwear with good ventilation is key.
If you are as emotionally unregulated as me, your underwear drawer should be just as unpredictable. That being said mine is filled with hundreds of pretty lace panties, barely there, satin-bowed and crotchless that I swore I’d wear more. Or Maybe you are one of these people, and you rock them daily just not givin a F***, because you are either a size 2 or 15 years old. Life is so much easier for you folks isn’t it?
I can’t be alone in this conclusion guys? I’m 42 and if you are near my age you most definitely can relate to picking comfort over discomfort any day. Consequently, our confidence and wisdom has taught us that panties are not the gateways for seduction but merely a meaningless barrier when the time comes. Not to pour more salt on my 40 something year old wounds but my sex-capades allow for enough advance planning for some visual delight. Rest assure, I’m not throwing anymore Spanx away for no man, they are far to valuable and expensive to replace! With that being said, I do wonder sometimes who found my Spanx and what they said to themselves when they had to dispose of them. I can envision them looking at the the flesh colored pile that perhaps resembled a wrinkled up hairless cat lying naked and afraid on the pavement. Bending over they’d pick it up between their fingers or maybe used a stick to inspect it, wincing as they brought it closer to view.
I guess we’ll never know.
I hope you enjoyed stopping by and taking time to read my ridiculous stream of memories and thoughts! Please keep sharing, liking and commenting as I love hearing from the world around me and what your experiences are on the topics.
We all have been guilty of trying to hide the evidence of our impulsive online shopping. I’m a heavy subscriber of the Treat Yo’Self Tribe and have been caught a few times. Its usually a minimal response by the witnesses such as a head shake or an unsolicited opinion on if I really need more shoes. Uhhhh Duh! Yes.
I believe the first thing we need to ask ourselves is what are my shopping habits when it comes to personal style. Are you more likely to buy high end whereby your focus is namely on a feature piece that you style around. Do you stay with the current trends often buying the up to date items then ditching within months to make room for the new ones. Do you get bored easily and seek to wear new stuff on the regular but regrettably left with items in your closet you’ve worn once having moved on to the next best look? I tend to be the last one which requires a more strategic shopping approach.
I’ve compiled a few of my favorite online clothing and beauty stores that have the best loyalty rewards programs that you can optimize your savings but also get free dollars to spend!
Loyalty Rewards + Sales = Free Stuff!
Be prepared to tell those Shopping Shamer’s “Look what I got for free!” and stop lying about that outfit you’re wearing is old and has been sitting in your closet for awhile. They’re not buying it anymore babes!
I love this website and currently have an ongoing cart with over a 100 items in it. The quality varies but I’ve never gotten one item from here that I wouldn’t wear and didn’t fit. The sizes are accurate, and the clothing is priced perfectly for someone who likes variety and changes their look up often. What I love about this site the most is that they have so many opportunities to earn reward points that wont take forever to build up for free items.
One of my favorite things to do on the Shein App is creating Look Books of outfits you can create with their items. You can submit the looks you create to win and earn points.
This is an example of one I created and was awarded Editors Pick Points:
For the longest time I never went in this store because I thought they didn’t have jeans that would fit my Big Ass. Boy was I wrong! They have some of the softest and best fitting denim for the ladies with smaller waists and luscious goddess curves. At AEO you earn ten points for every dollar spent at American Eagle and Aerie in-store or online, and 2,500 points equal a $10 rewards. Bonus, earn a 15% off birthday coupon, and for every 5 bras or jeans purchased, you get one free! Spend more to level up, and if you spend over $350 a year, you could earn free shipping on every order!
This online store lets you earn rewards by not only purchasing from Urban Outfitters, but you can also earn points by sharing, entering contests, visiting store events, connecting your social media accounts and more! With VIP status, you get a birthday reward and tons of chances to win signed merch from your favourite artists! You can redeem your points to get deeper sale discounts, early access, and tons more.
The Bay is no longer your moms department store and has an amazing online selection of high end designer items. It’s “Canada’s Iconic Department Store” that has been often underestimated in terms of the clothing lines they carry depending on what store you’ve visited in person. They are notorious for their Bay Days whereby you can find that one item you’ve been holding off for a significant discount.
With the Bay’s HBC Rewards, you can earn a point for every dollar spent at the Bay in-store or online, if you spend up to $399.99 a year. If spending more than $400 a year, you can earn 1.5 points for every dollar spent and 2 points for every dollar spent if you’re spending over $1,200 a year. You can redeem your points for The Bay gift cards, Air Miles rewards, and even donate to charity! HBC Rewards isn’t the fanciest or the best of the rewards programs out there, but you’re probably spending money at The Bay anyway, so might as well sign up!
I love this store for all the essential basics that are needed to pad your wardrobe. Everyone has a “favorite white t-shirt” that gets worn weekly whereby their quality works in your favor for this exact reason. Simons rewards lets you earn one point for every dollar spent. You earn a $10 rewards card for the first 500 points earned, and $1 for every 50 points following that. It’s not the most lucrative program for earning and spending, but The Simons also lets you earn 2X the points for your birthday month, exclusive online contests, and an extended return period. Keep spending to level up, where you could earn free delivery and free alterations!
Shopping Addict Pro Tip:
I’ve never loved selling my barely worn clothes on Facebook Marketplace as its time consuming and hit or miss. Consignment stores can also be picky and selective of what they are looking for making a trip out there a waist of time. Below are a couple sites I’ve used to put money in my pocket and keep my wardrobe fresh and exciting with each new season.
Here’s how ThredUp works. You send your high quality clothing that you no longer want to ThredUp. When they receive it, they’ll assess it and give you a credit to ThredUp so you can get clothes for free.
You can also get credits for referring others to use ThredUp – up to $10 per referral. With ThredUp you’ll only find items in excellent condition, so you can be sure you’re getting quality clothing at a great price – especially if you get it for free by using store credits!
Rehash allows you to list the clothes you have that you want to swap for something else. When you list, you can give specifics about what you want to trade for. Another option you have is to simply put “anything” in that section and see what kinds of offers come your way.
There aren’t any fees to join Rehash or to list or sell your items, however you may have to work out shipping plans and costs with other swappers.