I can honestly say I spent a good majority of my 30’s saying Yes to as much as I possibly could. I obviously took into consideration some parameters with that being said, as I’m not a complete degenerate and was not void of actual adult responsibilities. Setting out to take on the World of Yes, was a conscious decision with a simple but heavy goal in mind. I wanted to ensure that when I came to the end of my life, I would have as little regrets as possible. I think we all can agree that there are always going to be some, but mine wouldn’t be from lack of trying. I envisioned having a lengthy highlight reel that would give me a gift basket of delightful memories that I could share in the dining room of whatever retirement home that my child abandoned me at. I imagine that while we would all be seated around the dinner table, gumming our pot pies, I’d finally realize my comedic dream. I would want to make them laugh until they’d take their last breath or mine. I anticipate that when the moment finally arrives I’d come gun cocked to blow away the cute nurse aids with my risqué tales of the past. They’ll sit their in dismay as I charm my way into their hearts so that I can earn extra ice cream cups. That’s actually how my dad passed away; holding a popsicle. We like our ice cream, and will get it at any cost.
You may ask, so where am I at now with journey through Yes-dom….I’m Exhausted. Legitimately so pooped and to be quite frank, bored with the idea of tackling anymore hedonistic and mischievous pleasures. I recognize that good memories are not just based in naughty behavior, but I’ll tell you most good stories are! Often my girlfriends would be leaned in for hours, elbows up, lips pursed and nursing their craft cocktails over some over exaggerated and highly dramatized versions of my weekend exploits.
I can’t help but grieve the parts of me that I have left behind from that era. The parts of me that were so very whimsical and inconsequential. I carried an air of disregard for opinions, carefree from the chains of judgment; confident in my decisions and who I was. It was a bigger than life character, based on this bigger than life personality that was fighting to break free from the monotony of important roles I had as a mother and in my career. I’ve always been beguiled by pushing those boundaries that we become comfortable in or strive to work within. Embracing my own womanhood over the last 2 decades I’ve admittedly been unkind to myself when I have not been able to fit into the societal cookie cutter molds. Through self expression and actualizing self love, I quickly learned to make my own mold as unique and un-uniform as my personality. Molds should be malleable, transformative, and progressive in the same we are, developing in our lives.
But with that being said I’m not against taking on a few more YES moments, in fact time is ticking! When time is of the essence one must look at things far more pragmatically. I realize that in spending so much more time in the predictability of my home setting that opportunities will no longer just fall in my lap. In the desolate abyss of my home-life equipped now with a meditation corner and a crafting table I’m at a loss creatively as to what deviance lays ahead of me. Perhaps the crafting table could be turned into 50 shades of gray bondage slab…just beware of the glitter glue!
I’ve decided to tackle it from a more guided approach, that being a little game of Never Have I Ever with myself. So if I have Never; then I will add it to the list!
“Never Have I Ever” Questions
- Never have I ever sent someone a naughty pic- Who hasn’t?
- Never have I ever slept in the buff.-Everynight, accept in Winter becuase my boyfriend likes to sleep with the Fan and Window Open. Its Pajamas or Frostbite.
- Never have I ever received a lap dance. -Lots, in fact my least favorite was the one I got for my bachelorette party in Las Vegas. I think his name was Rick Steele…and he offered me to pay him more for the XXX version. I declined.
- Never have I ever given a lap dance.-Yes, and I’m not good at it. I’m usually horribly drunk and have fallen over on multiple occasions.
- Never have I ever taken a sexy selfie.-Seriously?
- Never have I ever had a friends with benefits.-Thats what we call Dating Apps, minus the friend part…I’d just call it Benefits.
- Never have I ever kissed a stranger.- Define Stranger? Aren’t we all strangers at first.
- Never have I ever flashed someone.- Definitely flashed a few body parts in my time.
- Never have I ever had a threesome.-This has occurred- Sorry mom
- Never have I ever role played.- I cant say that I have actually role played…well that is
- Never have I ever been skinny dipping.- It started in high school and never stopped, the best feeling ever to be naked in water that isn’t a bath tub.
- Never have I ever been caught looking at something naughty- I have not!!!
- Never have I ever made out with someone of the same sex. *eye roll*
- Never have I ever sexted.*YAWN *
- Never have I ever flirted with a teacher. *Nope…maybe a coach? My school didnt really have any hot babe teachers
- Never have I ever been to a nude beach. * I’ve been to two, one at night for a beach party and no one was there, another no one was there and the beach was rocky with no sun so I left.
- Never have I ever watched porn. -Not much lately.
- Never have I ever had a crush on a coworker.-Maybe a long time ago like 20 years ago
- Never have I ever been to an adult store.-Plenty of times
- Never have I ever played Dirty Truth or Dare. – I used to host this game at my house in school
- Never have I ever taken a shower selfie.- Are you crazy…I’m so klutzy, I’d get it wet. Bath selfie yes.
- Never have I ever been shy in the bedroom.- Shy no, Lazy Yes.
- Never have I ever had a one night stand.- More than I can count
- Never have I ever fallen in love at first sight.-Hell No
- Never have I ever kissed on the first date.- People only kiss on first dates?
- Never have I ever been on a dating website.-That’s how I met my boo bear…he was a one night stand that turned into forever!
- Never have I ever been turned down.-I’m going to say No, only because I’m not a girl that takes chances with rejection.
- Never have I ever dated more than one person at once.- Uhhhh isn’t “dating” about meeting people and feeling out the masses?
- Never have I ever gone speed dating. -Nope, this terrifies me. Small talk…ewwwww.
- Never have I ever been dumped.-Does being ghosted count? Because I have definitely been ghosted.
- Never have I ever said “I love you” without meaning it.-I have actually…but its complicated.
- Never have I ever slept with someone twice my age.- I have not!
- Never have I ever spied on an ex online.- Isn’t this how we all learn how to move on?
- Never have I ever had a rebound.-Same as above.
Well that was anticlimactic! Looks like I have maybe two on the deviant agenda, and they really aren’t all that exciting. I’m presenting to my readers an opportunity to build on this list…Insert your outrageous “Never Have I Ever” Questions Below and I’ll answer them!!!
I’ll leave you with a few ideas