I have a tendency to smack assess. Men, Bouncers, Waiters- I don’t discriminate. And I get away with it! Blame it on growing up in era where inappropriate sexual advances against women didn’t come with a hashtag. I’m seeking vengeance, and if your bottom looks as good as I bet it sounds, your next.
Thanks to the advancements in the cosmetic dermatology I can look like I’m in my late 20’s, have the libido of a woman in her 30’s, and the brains to put both those generations in my witty cloud of dust.
This one is along the same lines but different. I don’t have to finance my new body parts that I feel need enhancement. I also don’t have to entertain an old fat man for them, unless that old fat man is your husband. I can pay for them with that sweet salary I’ve worked so hard for, and won’t need new ones before I die. By the time many of these young gals are done paying for theirs, its time for a new rack baby!
Being in my 40’s has tapered out the acquaintances and my group of friends is small and solid now. Many are the O.G.’s from the early days, so you know they got stories for days on you. We don’t spend a lot of time needing one another because by now we’ve pretty much fucked up every which way. By the time we’ve rescheduled 5 times and changed locations we are just ready to live life to the fullest and not waste a moment crying over something stupid. We are a guaranteed good time.
I use being too old as an excuse to not stand in long lineups for the cool clubs and bars. Security digs it, I can tell. My humbleness gets mistaken for needing pity, a kind offering and works to my advantage every time. I have a P.M. shelf life of approximately 4-5 hours. I need to be out the house by 7:30 max and a good buzz on by 10 in order to secure a spot in some hipster bar where I can locate a stool or face total feet paralysis from my heels, whichever comes first.
I love not feeling guilty or like I’m missing out anymore. In fact, I turn my nose up to anything less than something fucking spectacular and momentous. I’ve become a connoisseur you may say of good times, and if the recipe doesn’t have the finely tuned ingredients, then I’ll pass and loose zero sleep.
There is something mysterious about women in their 40’s, and it draws in the curious types. Young men want to explore why they are attracted to you. Young women are drawn to your confidence and want you to be their first female experience. There is a misconception that our options become limited in terms of our sexuality, however people couldn’t be more wrong.
I’ve mastered the art of not putting shit off. I actually go get my oil changed when the indicator says so, not when I’ve blown an engine. I put winter tires on in winter and enjoy driving safely in snow. Tummy rumbling at night? I’ve got a fridge full of groceries because I learned that Click and Collect allows me to have food and avoid peopling altogether. Registration needs renewal, parking/speeding tickets paid…Well actually that ones a complete lie. Why they always trying to stick me for all my paper?
All the things in life that don’t make me feel good, I don’t do. That includes people, places, activities, jobs, and favors. Anything that leaves me feeling emptier than I did before, or feeling like I have to do something because I have to, I don’t entertain it. This has opened the door for all the things, fascinating people, and interests I do love! It opens the door for further opportunity to be loved and love thyself for all that thyself is, and she’s Hella dope. Making room in your life for you is the most unselfish thing you can do for yourself.
The world remains my oyster in which I can do whatever it is I put my mind too. I’m equipped with the experience, the lessons, and the confidence to accomplish whatever is in my sites and do it with grace and style that other will feel inspired by. How great is it to be in a position to inspire others!