“Keys” To Blog Success & Social Shares- A Musical

You know you are painfully out of touch when you realize that this Blog world is exceptionally overwhelming. I decided to take on a new hobby and thought here’s an opportunity to share some creative writing, stories, and a true story here and there.

How could I be so naive.

Naivety led me to approach it initially with a sense of light-heartedness with no intention of turning this into a mega blog of followers. I’ve been chasing the dragon every since on the quest to understand all the bells and widgets. Ambition has me by the lady balls and I can’t get off this crazy train! I imagine this is what Kindergarden must have felt like accept the Water Table is my computer now.

My Spotify workout playlist has been replaced with Millionaire Blogger podcasts. Maeve Binchy has been replaced by E-Commerce marketing strategies and I can’t fucking sleep as the information is endless! At the age of 42 I’m so far behind and I have quickly been thrown into the heart wrenching reality that I’m out of touch… like badly.

I mean in my defense I’ve been pretty busy in my social work career and going nowhere fast. My personality doesn’t necessarily foster the bland forgettable faces of management in my field.

And while it’s hard to not get caught up in the whimsical fantasy that I could be a blogger millionaire, in fact it’s really hard, because now I’m dead set on an exit strategy. I’m in this manic frenzy to collect everything I need to know on key word phrases, search engine optimization, organic traffic stats- Christ I’ve turned into my dad!

The first thing I realized in my research- if I can even call it that- is that blogging isn’t always about what you want to talk about all the time. The hopes to work out all my maladaptive coping skills through this platform is circling the drain as we speak. I feel like this is what actors say when they take shitty movie roles and feel like their credibility as an artist is being compromised.

Health and fitness is at the top of the trending list which if you count my sporadic gym attendance I could most definitely talk about how to epically fail at that.

Next is gardening. I do love that- am I good at it- questionable. If you count the love of watering shit then yes I’m super awesome at that. I also find removing the dead heads quite pleasurable in a monotonous type of way. But living in a city where it’s winter 8 months out the year my time to flourish in this area is limited.

Then there’s diet. Posting my diets and eating plan would be 100% irresponsible. I mean if diabetes and heart disease is your thing then I’m definitely your girl. I’ve done the Keto Diet, HCG Diet, G.I. Diet, all with some success but then you know I slide down the slippery carbohydrate slope and it’s game over for me. My ability to stick to a plan is as sporadic as my gym attendance. I even had the audacity to get mad at the hubby when he questioned my commitment. The nerve of these men!

DIY and crafting- My Nemesis! I have a dresser sitting half painted in at least 100 bucks worth of paint. I could have bought a new one for that- it’s butt ugly and not the vision I anticipated. Hubby is using at his garage play station set up and keeps asking me when it’s going to the dump. I haven’t yet dealt with the emotions attached to that failure.

Crafting hasn’t been done in my house since I built my daughters science project in grade 5. That was 9 years ago. My girlfriends have often invited me to attend their houses on a Saturday night to drink wine and craft. Admittedly it’s a lovely idea however not always my speed after a week of dysfunction. The last thing I need is a calm, quiet setting, drinking red wine until I’m laying in a pool of my own tears because the hot glue gun messed my cute new outfit I put on in the case these losers decided to blow the joint and hit the streets.

Mama stays Ready!

I’ll take a biker bar over Popsicle sticks any day-they are far more accommodating and I don’t come home with some useless item I will never display. A black eye from a pool que fight maybe, but not clutter bug. By the way this is not a dig at anyone who loves to craft- you are truly god’s special friends.

I will figure out my niche while I inch forward at a snails pace as the next millionaire blogger. I will frame the first 5 cents I make and never look back again.

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